If you’re in one of the caring professions, you probably care a lot. I bet you wake up in the morning and care more before 9 am than most people do all day. (My apologies to the marines- for a bunch of reasons.)
Having that much concern all day long can sure take its toll on your health and you guessed it, your wellness! Well what is wellness about? Its about actually taking your own needs into account, slowing down on occasion and being kind to yourself. Let’s use the concept of a well, because heck its right in the word “wellness”. If you are caring for people all the time and not looking after yourself, then chances are you are drawing on your own resources to help them, while depleting yourself. This can leave your poor well empty and even a bit dry, as it were.
“The Wellness Well” You see what I did there? Sure you do.
When we ignore our own wellness, we tend to stress out, feel really overwhelmed and our health can suffer. The problem is, we rarely give ourselves permission to help ourselves. We feel like we should just “tough it out” and “carry on”.
However, if a friend came up to you and said “Hey I’m burned out at work, and my joints are achy do you think I should go for a massage?” Of course you’d say Yes! You’d send them off to get their body kneaded faster than you can say “CranioSacral”-which I can’t say at all.
But will we get a massage ourselves? Of course not! Why? I blame my protestant upbringing. (Feel free to blame whatever culture you’re from- I’ve found it so much easier than actually taking responsibility for myself). But seriously, we do that all the time. We can be having a really tough time and desperately need to cut ourselves some slack but we sometimes find that difficult.
Essentially wellness is, taking care of ourselves before things become horrible. We often mislabel healthy concern and care for ourselves as “Selfishness” or “self-centered-ness” or even “being like crazy Uncle Bob” but really carving out a place for wellness in our lives can be the best thing we can do for our level of contribution. Think about it, when we feel good, do we want to contribute more or less? More of course! Are we worse at our jobs or better? Better!
Damn! Don’t you want some of this? A massage I mean.
So there you go. Wellness is valuable not just to you but to the people around you and the work you do. So how do you get more of this thing called Wellness into your life? Well, that’s not actually that hard. Here are a few suggestions:
1: You could, go for a walk in nature. Simply stepping outside and walking for thirty minute has been proven to make us healthier and reduce stress
2: Get a massage! Get rid of those aches and pains and get the blood flowing by getting a massage that is either Deep Swedish or Shallow Ukrainian, (this doesn’t exist but it should.)
3: Hug three people. Because heck, hugs feel great!
So, wherever you are and whatever you are doing, I hope you give yourself two shots of wellness today.
BTW, I am currently creating a wellness program for CMHA Waterloo Wellington Dufferin called…drum roll please…
The Wellness Solution: Help Yourself Help The World
This simple exercise is scientifically proven to make you happier but it’s scary.
In fact, it makes me so nervous, that I’m trying to get the courage to do it.
Here’s the deal. You think of someone in your life who has really helped you out. Someone who you are really grateful to for everything they have done. This could be a really good friend, teacher, parent or sibling. Once you have them in mind, you write a page or so thanking them for everything they have done for you.
So far so good right? Here’s the catch. Instead of sending it off by email or snail mail, you call them up and then read them the letter.
I’m not gonna lie, I’m nervous about this. The prospect of calling up my Mom and Dad and thanking them and then having a conversation with a good friend of mine and actually being honest instead of making dirty jokes is something I could easily put off until, well, forever (or at least until the next Game Of Thrones book comes out, whichever comes first.). However, I committed to doing this. I’ve written the letters and read them a couple of times out loud and its go time! Right after lunch.
Because who wants to do something like this on an empty stomach? Not me! And besides, I am prone to displays of emotion so the conversations are probably going to end with me blubbering like someone watching the end of “Love Actually”. Perfect! (He said, wishing there was a sarcasm font). BTW, this is all research for my upcoming book Doing Happiness: Uncovering the Hidden Benefits of Feeling Good.
Alright, so I’ve eaten left over chicken and prepared myself to not tear up by watching Youtube clips of Clint Eastwood in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, so I think I’m ready.
Here goes.
OK, So, I got through the first one! I called up my best friend and read him my note of thanks. It was very weird and remarkably honest. I thought it would be awkward but it was actually alright. He was quite taken aback it seems, cause really, a friend rarely calls you up, swears at you and then says you’re awesome.
Now, on to my parents… After finding every excuse in the book NOT to do this, I finally went for it.
Alright! That went pretty well! The world did not end and nobody cried. (This is actually a great way to measure if a day has been a success) I managed to read my note to Mom and Dad and everything was alright. I do feel really good right now. In fact, I feel downright happy. It also feels like I’ve given a gift to people who I really care about. That actually might be the most important part about this. I know it’s an exercise to increase your level of happiness, but it feels different than that. It feels like this altruistic gift of acknowledgement and appreciation.
If you want to use this technique to scientifically improve your level of happiness (and those you care about) here are the steps…
1: Decide who you want to thank.
2: Set a timer for about 20 mins and write them a letter about how thankful you are for everything they have done for you.
3: Promise yourself that you’ll get to it tomorrow.
4: When tomorrow arrives, decide it’s not the right time and then do your laundry or wash your dishes, or do your taxes from 3 years ago.
5: Finally get the courage to pick up the phone.
6: Say something like “Could you do me a favour? All you have to do is listen, I’ve written you a letter and I want to read it to you. Don’t worry, it’s all good stuff, is that ok?”
7: Read the letter.
8: Feel Awesome!
You’ll probably feel terrific afterwards, and as a bonus, the folks you care about will feel great as well. This is definitely a scary and generous gift to give and as a bonus, I bet you also get your laundry done.
So, have you ever been smacked upside the head with an unexplained dose of anxiety? It sucks doesn’t it? Well recently, I was going along and minding my own business when I was hit with a wack of anxiety. It was very strange! Ordinarily I can cruise through pretty much anything and feel calm and cool. Going onstage? No sweat! Big meeting? I got that. Final Episode of Game of Thrones? Ok, that can freak me out a bit. But really, most of the time, the word anxiety has little meaning other than something that “other people” experience.
Not so the other day. I woke up and for some reason and I couldn’t get started working. Everytime I was about to start my timer to do the “gazillion” things I had to do, I was totally freaked out by them. So, I relaxed for a bit and then tried again. No go. I just felt more and more tension in my chest and started to feel down right “freaky”. It was like an ocean tide of bad feeling had just rolled in and there was nothing I could do about it.
Before I knew it, most of the day was gone. The next day? Pretty much the same deal. I started to feel pretty terrible and had no idea how to change my mental state. So what gives?
A few months ago I found out that anxiety runs in my family. This should have not come as a total surprise as I had heard some family members described as “worriers”, but then I realized that these stories actually went back generations. (Here’s a hint: If you hear stories about your family being worried before the Model T was invented, it might be a family issue)
Ah! It seems this whole anxiety thing may have deeper roots than I thought. It doesn’t seem fair that genetics, that mysterious part of our make-up that brought us our eye colour, height and our love/hate of Star Wars, would have something to do with how we feel on a regular basis, but it does. Apparently our genetic history can really affect how we feel.
Here’s the other side of the coin. Many years ago a relative who I won’t mention (We’ll just call him “Dad”) was feeling really worried. In fact, he was walking around the house anxious a lot of the time. Finally it got to the point where he needed to go to his doctor. After examining him, taking his blood pressure and asking him some questions, the doctor came up with a pretty terrific prescription. 1: Stop watching the News. 2: Wear looser underwear.
So, he went home and did both of those things-and he felt better. For me it wasn’t so simple. However, I woke up one morning and the crazy tension in my chest had lessened. I was able to work again, and as I got a bunch of stuff done, I started to feel capable and OK.
Many of us deal with this. My own small foray into the world of unnamed anxiety was tiny in comparison to what others deal with. For some, waiting a few days and making different underwear choice doesn’t cut it. Folks sometimes need medical care for their condition. If you are dealing with this or something like it, I really hope you get some assistance.
My few days of discomfort was enough for me, thank you very much. Hope it doesn’t happen again, but if it does, at least I know there are others fighting the same fight and just waiting for the tide to go out.
Here are a couple of resources for dealing with anxiety here.
Have you ever been told that your happiness was selfish? I bet you have. “They” say concern for our own well being is something that should really be at the bottom of our list in terms of priorities or that we are being greedy or petty when we take our own happiness into account. The truth is that when we make our happiness a priority good things happen for us and for those around us. In fact, the contagiousness of feeling good virtually guarantees that if we are happy, we are making the world a better place for those we love the most.
By the way, when I am talking about making your own happiness a priority, I am not talking about thinking only of your own needs. Please don’t say to yourself “OK, Rob says my happiness is important, so I’m going to stuff my face full of poutine, buy a red convertible on credit and move to Antigua with a bunch of bathing suit models because that will make me happy!”
I am crazy about these guys. Have you heard “The Rain Song”? Wow.
I’m not talking about living like we’re Led Zeppelin in 1976, or Russel Brand in 2002, I’m talking about making our daily happiness something that we care about and take into consideration.
Believe it or not, this takes discipline. It is attained not so much by going after our every sensory based desire (although, I’m all for sensory based desires) but by doing simple activities that have been proven to make us feel good, right now and in the long term as well.
“Happiness is contagious” is said so often that its a bit of a cliche, but did you know that its actually, quantifiably true? A little out fit called The Harvard Medical School (you may have heard of them) did a study called “Dynamic spread of happiness in a large social network: longitudinal analysis over 20 years in the Framingham Heart Study” (which is really such a catchy title that it should be a pop song by Katy Perry).
“Hey Everybody, I hope you like my new hit Dynamic spread of happiness in a large social network ! Woo hoo!
In this study they found that if you were a friend of someone and lived within 1 mile of them your chance of being happy went up by 25%! Wow! If we can extrapolate (and heck why not?) that would mean that by being happy ourselves, we are actually increasing the chances of our friends and family who live close to us by 25%. Really, you are doing the world a huge chunk of good if you are happy. Isn’t that great? I think it is. So, to answer our first question, Is your happiness selfish? Nope! In fact, you being happy is one of the most generous things you can do for the world.
What kind of ridiculous question is that? Isn’t “being happy” supposed to be the holy grail of human experience? We each go through our lives trying to achieve things we have determined will finally help us “be happy”. This can include making more money, getting that promotion, being thinner, winning that award, getting that degree, looking like Brad Pitt, and a plethora of other goals with the hopeful result that, if we just get that thing, then we will be finally, blissfully happy.
This is a picture of Brad Pitt
Do you want to know something terrific? You don’t need to reach all of your goals to “be happier” now. Right now, as you are reading this, you can “do happiness”.
“Doing Happiness”? But how?
What is your posture while you are reading this? If you are slouched down on your couch and kind of hunched over in a funky way, then chances are you’re not going to be feeling as good as you could be. If you are sitting (or standing) upright, with a straight back and breathing deeply then you are more likely to feel good. Go ahead and try it. If you are slouched, shift your posture so that your back is straight. Now put a big smile on your face. It doesn’t even matter if it’s a fake smile. Just paste a big goofy grin on your face. Studies have shown (and you’ll get the skinny on that later) that by shifting your posture and physically smiling you can have a direct and measurable effect on your present level of happiness and mood. See that? You just “did happiness” and this is just the tiniest tip of the iceberg. This is what this book is about- teaching simple strategies to incorporate “doing happiness” into our daily lives.
But Isn’t Happiness Over-rated?
I don’t think so, and I hope to prove it to you as you read on. There are many who believe that happiness is not enough of a benefit or a satisfactory goal. Sure there is wonderful research that doing simple things every day will make us feel better, regardless of our present circumstances, but so what?
And does it matter?
What are all the things that happiness does for us?
What happiness does for us.
The evidence has shown that “being happy” in and of itself, brings great improvement to almost all areas of our lives. This is where things get interesting.
When we feel happy, good things tend to happen more often and more consistently. In fact, many studies have shown that when we feel happy, we become:
-more productive, -more creative, -better at our jobs, – we have better relationships, -we are far healthier (we even live longer if we’re happier), -we are perceived as more attractive, -we tend to make more money,
That’s a pretty impressive list, don’t you think?
So, is being happy the end in itself? Or is happiness the way we get all of these terrific benefits? It doesn’t actually matter, because once we are happy, we get all this great stuff, which will then, help us be happier. You see how that works? It’s a virtuous cycle. Who cares if the chicken or the egg came first when we can have both?
How I feel when coffee is ready.
The idea of “doing happiness” can run contrary to a lot of our established societal beliefs. We are often taught that we need to “earn” our happiness. That satisfaction and joy must only come after tremendous amounts of hard work and sacrifice. I mean, you can’t just go around “doing happiness”, you must earn it so you deserve it. This just isn’t true. However, if hard work and sacrifice are your thing, that is completely fine, but please know that feeling good, while you are working hard and sacrificing, will help you be more productive, so that you can accomplish what you want in an easier and more effective way.
Can we uncover the secrets of not only being happy but also the many benefits that happiness brings us to give us a richer and healthier life? You bet!
This blog is an excerpt from my upcoming book Doing Happiness: Uncovering The Hidden Benefits of Feeling Good.
