The patient experience can be a crazy thing. Often it is more emotional than we think and these feelings can come out at times that are absolutely not convenient. I remember when I had just been diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I thought I took the news pretty darn well. In the doctor’s office, I had been fine. However, out in the world it was a completely different matter. You may not be aware of this but cab drivers and cyclists have a deep abiding love for each other. Truly, we stop at red lights and take the opportunity to give each other affectionate and lingering hugs. Actually that is not really accurate. In fact, you could say that cab drivers and cyclists don’t get along at all. I was riding north on University Ave in Toronto (a major street with a ton of traffic on it) when a cab driver pulled up to me in the next lane and cut me off.
(This is not me.)
I slammed on my brakes and came to a skidding stop; inches from his back bumper. We shared a few words with each other that were not “Happy Birthday”. Ordinarily that would have been it and we would have each gone our separate ways. But no! I was under the influence of a cancer diagnosis which was baking in my psyche like a bubbling toxic cake. Suddenly, my perceptions changed. The buildings of University Ave seemed to fall away and were replaced by the façade of main street from the old west town of tombstone. I stood facing the cab driver in tense silence. A tumble weed drifted by. The town bell clanged twelve times for noon.
The cab driver spoke. “Draw!” I coiled all the rage I had into my throbbing right arm and like lightning I drew my six shooter from the holster strapped to my leg. I aimed down the barrel at my adversary and I realized…that I had completely lost my mind! There I was on University Ave in a shouting match with a cab driver. We were both filled with rage. Oh sure we had something to disagree about but no one was hurt and we both could have just got on with our day. But no, I had completely dove in to the conflict like this was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. Did I have the right to be angry? Sure! Was this the best way to handle it? Nope.
Somewhere in the depths of my brain a little voice sad “Rob, calm down! You’re acting like a maniac!” So I literally took a step back, got on my bike and went home. I’m sure that I would have handled it differently if I wasn’t completely shocked by having this thing called cancer, but I didn’t. It made me realize that sometimes we think we have dealt with something on an emotional level but our psyches need to catch up with our logical minds. This can make us do strange things, like think we’re Clint Eastwood on University Ave. Wherever you are and whatever your story is, hang in there and watch out for tumble weeds.
Who doesn’t love nuns? Well, I’m sure there are a few people. However there is a specific group of nuns who can teach us about how happiness can really improve our health. There was a group of sisters in Milwaukee who signed up (I’m not sure if they “sign up,” it kind of makes it seem like they have a draft pick for nuns. “Sister Mary Margaret is a first round draft pick for Notre Dame, Bob!” “What a great choice for them Marv, she can rhyme off 12 hail Mary’s a minute. That’s really going to help them in the playoffs!”)
Anyway, one hundred and eighty nuns entered the order of Notre Dame back in the 1930’s and they measured how happy they were by looking at their diaries. After studying the “happy” or “unhappy” language in their diaries for many years and combining that with their levels of health and the length of their lives, they found that the happiest nuns outlived the unhappy nuns by an average of , wait for it…nine years. Nine years! That is an incredible difference if you ask me.
You could say “Ya but, what about differences in circumstances? Probably some nuns had a terrible life while others stayed at the Nun Club Med” Well, I am no expert on nuns (for a bunch of reasons) but according to the research, one of the reasons they studied nuns was that the sisters were living lives that were very similar in circumstance to each other. Their routines, food, and social lives were almost identical. This lead researchers to the conclusion that, all things being equal, “being happy” had a profound effect on the length of the lives of the sisters. It makes me think that feeling good can have huge benefits for us as well. So, it turns out that happiness is incredible good for us! You might be interested in my upcoming book “Doing Happiness: Uncovering the Hidden Secrets of Feeling Good.” More soon!
It was my first time attempt to dock a houseboat. I was spinning the wheel of the craft and praying that the slow moving boat would eventually obey my directions and turn. We were approaching a marina in the Trent Severn Waterway. We neared the dock a little quicker than I had hoped and I struggled to remember the instructional video we had seen the day before. We were supposed to approach at a certain angle and at a speed that was called “dead slow”. I was going more at a speed that could be called “dead fast”, and didn’t want all of us to be “actually dead” when we came into contact with the dock. I did my best to slow our progress. My brother-in-law on the bow said “Ok Robbie, slower, I think we got it.”
We finally nudged the dock very gently. I turned the wheel harder and threw it into reverse, bringing the stern of our intrepid ship in line with the dock as well. We tied up the boat and I finally exhaled. I had successfully docked for the first time. It wasn’t perfect mind you, but no one had been maimed and there was no damage to anything so I considered it a huge win. We scrambled off the boat and went to buy bait. I don’t usually feel like a super hero when I buy worms, but I did today. I heard a voice from further down the dock.
(what Weathered Marina Guy might have looked like)
“Who’s driving the boat?” asked Weathered Marina Guy.
“It was me!” I said in my manliest of voices (which is actually pretty damn manly).
“I have owned this marina for 30 years and that was the worst docking I have ever seen!”
I was pretty crushed, but wait there was more.
“I really don’t want to embarrass you in front of your friends, but really, that was terrible!” He was actually embarrassing me in front of my in laws, which was worse, but hey, who’s counting? He went on for a while about how lousy I was at operating a craft and with a somewhat withered sense of self esteem, we were on our way.
Free of the humiliating clutches of Weathered Marina Guy, we approached the locks at Buckhorn. Again, I had never done anything like go through a lock while piloting a boat, but we went for it. I had to do everything possible to not think about what Weathered Marina Guy had said to me a couple of hours before. I approached at “dead slow” and cruised by several boasts that looked like they might be worth more than a small house. Once again I held my breath. The huge doors of the lock opened and we went in. Water rushed in and rushed out. The lockmaster was amazingly helpful and in 30 minutes we were lowered about 10 feet and were on our way.
I was thrilled. Ordinarily, having somebody tell me I was terrible at something would have been really tough to take. However, right after the experience I was able to redeem myself and once again, started to feel pretty good.
We celebrated by finding a spot near some cliffs that was 20 feet deep and jumped off our houseboat into the cool water below. It was some of the most fun I’ve had in a while. Funny enough, I was holding a Go Pro while I did it. so, you can see it too.
Have a great day everybody and remember, having a blast is the best revenge!
Many thanks to Egan Houseboat Rentals! They are great people who really know what they are doing.
Once again my awesome friend Deb Kimmett and I have come up with a podcast to help folks with this whole “being a patient” thing. We often go through our whole lives trying really hard to be strong and incredibly self reliant. Well, when we (or someone we love) is sick, sometimes it is really important to ask for help! Yes. Ask for help. It might not be in your nature to even think about asking for assistance if you’re having a hard time, but really, think about it. You are probably a generous awesome person who has helped a ton of people in your life without even being aware of it. If that’s the case (and I’m guessing it is) its totally OK to ask for help when the chips are down.
If you had a really good friend or family member who was having a tough time, wouldn’t you want to help them? Of course you would! (Unless, you’re a dick, which you’re not). So, go ahead, let the folks you care about know that you could use a hand. Listen to the podcast to find out more.
Here is the latest from The Hope For Today Cafe! My good friend Deborah Kimmett and I have some thoughts on how to talk to your friends and family when they’re sick and need some support. As usual, we yuck it up a bit.
Hope you are really well wherever and whenever you are!
Have you ever started a project and been really excited about it? Sure you have! Sometimes the stars align and you think, OK, this is going to be good. Well, that is what’s happening for The Hope for Today Café.
My friend Deborah Kimmett and I have started work on a podcast that we think is great. I don’t want to over sell it but I think its going to be the best thing that anyone has ever done ever. (Sorry, I was just channeling Kanye West for a second) We’re going to bring you a bit of hope and humour to help get you through the day.
Let’s face it, If you’re a human (and I’m guessing you are) you may on occasion go through a tough time in your life. Some of you may be saying “Ya, of course Rob, that’s part of the deal”. Well, we are going to do a show based on the idea that we all face a challenge now and then and when we do, it can help a lot to get a boost from a couple of friends. That’s where The Hope for Today Café comes in. Once a week we’ll bring you short episodes packed with energy, hope and discussion about issues that face people going through health challenges and their care givers. We’re going to have shout outs to listeners, special guests and a ton of witty banter to lighten your day.
In fact, we’re already recorded a few and it was so much fun we figured we had to share it with you.
We’re looking forward to your feedback when our first episodes roll out. There is a huge community of courageous people out there and we want to serve you.
Let’s face it, we’re all in this together. We might as well try to help make the journey a bit easier.
